Couples Therapy after an Affair or Betrayal
If you are wondering how the two of you can ever get past this.. if you are feeling overwhelmed and confused.. asking yourself "how is this happening to us?" or even saying "I never thought I would be here".. then please know you aren't alone.
The truth is, betrayals are not as rare as you might think.. and if you are both committed to the relationship, you can get past this to building a stronger and happier relationship where both of you feel valued, trusted, and in love.
What to know about couples therapy after an affair or betrayal....
An affair or betrayal doesn't always have to mean the end of the relationship. For some couples, it can actually be a wake up call to reconnect. That doesn't mean that it was okay that it happened, but it does mean that we can no longer pretend like everything is fine.
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There are several questions we will need to address to get you back on a path to reconnection...
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Are both of you ready for reconciliation or do we need to spend some time in therapy to reflect and decide if we still want to be in the relationship?
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Are both of you committed to building trust through honesty and transparency going forward?
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Is the person who committed the betrayal able to take accountability for their choices?
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What issues (either in partners as individuals or in the relationship) may have made a betrayal seem like a viable option?
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What needs to change in the relationship and in yourselves in order to prevent this from ever happening again?
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What do you want your relationship to look like going forward? What would you like trust and emotional intimacy to look and feel like now?
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Couples therapy helps you explore these questions with an outside perspective to ground you and avoid getting sucked into the same patterns that contributed to disconnection and mistrust to begin with.
What might couples therapy after a betrayal or an affair look like?
Following an initial assessment session where I get to know the couples history, individual perspectives, and hopes for treatment, we will start to address some of the questions listed above.
Often couples therapy after a betrayal or affair will include several initial sessions to support discernment so both partners can be certain that they are ready and committed to a reconciliation. In other words, sometimes couples will come in for therapy after an affair or betrayal and while one partner is committed to doing "anything it takes" to make the relationship work, the other one isn't certain if they even want to be in the relationship at all or if they can ever "get past this". One option for discernment work is to do an intensive model in order to work through these initial questions in a shorter time period.
Once a couple is ready for reconciliation, we start to explore what trust and transparency might look like, identify patterns and problems that need to be addressed, and learning or practicing strategies and skills for reconnection. Couples therapy is not meant to last forever, so as part of all of this, we will be talking about and evaluating when it is time for you to be done because you genuinly don't need it anymore. As part of that process, we also talk about "warning signs" and action plans to address any backsliding that might occur after therapy is complete.
Who is this for?
Couples therapy after a betrayal or affair is helpful for couples who are:
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Trying to decide if they can recover from an affair or betrayal
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Wanting to reconcile after an affair or betrayal
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In a serious, committed relationship and planning a long-term future
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In safe and desired relationships; any relationships that have elements of coercive control or abuse are not appropriate for couples therapy. Read this blog post to explore more on this topic.
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Wanting to build a more trusting, loving, and long lasting connection.
Your Relationship Deserves a Strong Foundation
If you are healing from a betrayal or affair, don't chance your recovery to just "let it go" because it's too painful to confront. This isn't the time to stick your head in the sand - instead be honest that it's time for real change, and commit to doing better in your relationship. Because you both deserve to be in love as your happiest and most authentic selves.
Initial assessment sessions for couples are $325.00 for a 90 minute session.
Couples therapy sessions following assessment are $250.00 for 50 minute sessions.
Please see the Intensives page for specific pricing on longer session formats.
