Couples Therapy for Relationships in Crisis
Direct, active couples therapy for high conflict couples and specialized infidelity recovery. Online, statewide, in California & Hawaii.
Virtual therapy available for residents of California & Hawaii.
In-person options available for residents of Kauai.
When your relationship is in crisis, you're living in a state of constant, exhausting anxiety that often loops into frustration and grief and then right back around again.
Whether you are navigating the shattering shock of a recent affair disclosure or caught in a brutal cycle of yelling, storming off, trying to talk it out only for everybody to end up yelling again, the distress isn't just emotional...it is physical.
You wake up with a sick feeling in your stomach. You lie awake at 3:00 AM, tormented by intrusive thoughts of what happened.. replays of arguments or visualization of the moment one of you decides to walk away for good.
You're walking on eggshells in your own home, maybe terrified of what a divorce will do to your kids, and carrying the discomfort and shame of worrying what friends or family would think if they knew how broken things have become.
You are facing the ultimate question: Do we fight to rebuild this, or is it time to let it go?
"I don't know if I can ever forgive them..I'm not even sure if it's possible to come back from this.."
"We still love each other but we just keep getting stuck in this one argument that we can't seem to get on the same page about."
"I want us to get better at communicating. These small moments blow up way bigger than they need to and I'm not sure why it keeps happening"
These are statements I hear often from my clients. And alot of them have tried therapy before either together or alone to try to work it out. But when a marriage reaches this level of emergency, traditional 'talk therapy' where a counselor sits back and asks how you feel won't cut it.
It wastes your time and your investment and often results in you just arguing more and more both in and out of sessions, getting practice at the very pattern you're trying to break out of. My approach is deeply active and directive. Utilizing active relational strategies alongside research-backed Gottman frameworks and tools, I step into the room as an active guide to fiercely protect your relationship.
I don't let you cycle through old fights in front of me; I disrupt them the moment they start. Together, we will bypass the defensiveness and contempt to map your relationship’s exact imbalances during a comprehensive 90-minute assessment session, giving you a clear, diagnostic path out of the chaos. Then whether we work week-to-week or intensively, I step in to disrupt destructive behavior, stop circular arguments in real time, and help you build a radically honest connection that sticks.
When your marriage or partnership is in crisis, it makes everything harder. Even if it might not look like it on the outside, it's not uncommon for people's health, careers, and other relationships to be negatively affected by the turmoil in your home life. But the important thing to know is that it doesn't have to be this way forever, and it doesn't necessarily mean that your relationship has to end if neither of you want it to.. there is a way out, you just need to be able to learn the skills to get there.
Working with a specialist in couples therapy means working with someone who is trained to recognize where you are getting stuck, I can help to disrupt the pattern so you can get unstuck but more importantly, I can teach you new skills to avoid it happening again.
Welcome to Sage & Vine Counseling...
Hey there :) I’m Steph Wise! I'm the therapist behind Sage & Vine Counseling.
I've worked in mental health for over 12 years, I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California and Hawaii, I'm a writer and creator, speaker, and graduate professor for MFTs, and I specialize in supporting couples for healthier and happier relationships.
I am driven by the belief that the positive effects of strong relationships skills can change the world. Mental health and healthy loving relationships don't happen by accident or just "luck" - instead I believe that these are outcomes built through skills that anyone can learn and access. Sometimes we just need someone to show us the way.
The most important thing to me as your therapist is that you feel your time in therapy is well spent and above all, effective.
To get started, we’ll identify your unique problems and patterns, explore underlying feelings and beliefs (often the stuff "getting in the way"), and then equip you with the tools to reconnect and space to practice those tools with hands-on support. Therapy should feel like a place where you are met with compassion and empathy and at the same time it should challenge and support you to grow into a better version of yourself.
Great therapy is empowering and above all, helpful.
