Alternatives to Couples Therapy

Sometimes we just aren't ready to take the plunge to get into couples therapy - maybe it's scheduling issues, financial concerns, or just feelings of nervousness that you aren't ready to face. And that's okay. Here are some recommendations to support working on your relationship that aren't couples therapy (and most of them you can try on your own!)...

Book Club:

Get you and your spouse a copy of one of the books listed below and read through the text together. Set up date nights to talk through your interpretations and reactions to the text. Some of these books even have exercises you can practice together!

Recommended book list...

For overall great information and advice as well as fun exercises to support the strength of your longterm relationship.... - The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work - by John Gottman For sexual intimacy issues....

- Come as You Are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life - by Emily Nagoski

For emotional intimacy issues....

- Daring Greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable changes the way we live, love, parent, and lead - by Brene Brown

To work through phone addiction and explore increasing mindfulness together...

- Stolen Focus: Why you can't pay attention - by Johann Hari

For parenting support....

- Hunt, Gather, Parent: What ancient cultures can teach us about the lost art of raising happy helpful little humans - by Michaeleen Doucleff

For processing betrayals or trust issues....

- I Love You But I Don't Trust You: The complete guide to restoring trust in your relationship - by Mira Kirshenbaum

Interactive Tools:

If you are wanting to try a more interactive tool to strengthen or deepen your relationship, here are some that might be interesting to you...

• We're not really strangers: couples edition (game) A fun card game that can really be helpful to deepen emotional intimacy and start some fun conversation! My husband and I use this by pulling just one card out on any random evening where we both agree we have energy to put into a deeper conversation (about 3 times a week haha). You can buy this at target!

  
  

• The Nudge (app) If you live in a major city and are struggling to plan fun date activities then this app can be really helpful!

  
  

• Worksheets https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/relationship-letter

  https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/relationship-clarification-questions

  The links above are for 2 worksheets you can try on your own. There are more like these online however I like these options because they are free! Worksheets can be a great resource to start some unusual conversation for deeper connection.

• Gottman Courses (https://www.gottman.com/couples/) or other online courses The Gottman Institute has a variety of online courses you can try on your own or in tandem with couples therapy. The benefit of these courses is that they can be done on your own and are definitely more price-accessible than couples therapy. There are other resources that offer these courses however few are as vetted or well-sourced as the Gottman Institute's options!

• Workshops & Retreats (various options) Okay this isn't exactly an alternative to therapy, more so an option for a different method of delivery. The Gottman Institute as well as other well-respected resources often offer weekend workshops or retreats that can deliver real results in shorter time periods than traditional therapy due to the intensive format and group setting. These options may be good for you if you don't have time for weekly therapy or if you want to combine a vacation/vow-renewal/babymoon with some intentional relationship strengthening. *Sage and Vine Counseling also offers online intensives on a limited basis for anyone looking to explore this option with me! We will also be launching couples' retreat options based out of Hawaii in late 2025 or early 2026!

Coaching:

If you are not comfortable with therapy and are looking for a different style of support, you may be interested in working with a coach instead. A few words of guidance and some caution for if you choose this route...

• Coaching is an unregulated industry. This means that coaches have no training obligations and no obligations to follow research and evidence-backed interventions.

• Coaching can oftentimes be even more expensive than therapy.

• Coaching is not held to confidentiality standards as it does not fall under the same 'medical service' umbrella as therapy. They are also not held to ethical standards and accountability for treatment to support progression and avoid harm.

• One positive of coaching is that because it's unregulated, you aren't restricted by state-by-state licensure rules and can work with any coach from anywhere in the world.

• Another positive is that coaches tend to be more focused on wellbeing and increasing the positive. If your coach begins exploring trauma with you, that is actually a red flag since they are not trained to treat trauma and can actually cause harm.

• The best way to get the most out of a coaching experience is to choose someone who is a good fit for you personality-wise and who is clear on what they can and can't deliver or help with. It is also important to have a clear understanding about the limits of what coaches can and cannot do.

In summary...

There are lots of reasons you might not be ready for couple's therapy but still want to work on your relationship. However even with these alternatives to couples therapy, you may still find yourself facing issues that you get 'stuck' on or feeling like no matter how hard you try, you cannot seem to break bad habits that keep you in cycles of unhappiness. Or it may be that the drawbacks of each of these individual options outweigh the benefits and you decide that couples therapy is the best choice for you. Either way, when this happens there is no shame in reaching out to a couples therapist (or even doing individual therapy concurrently) to help you move forward.

Interested in working together? Book a free consult call to find out if we might be a good fit! Sage and Vine Counseling will be opening up 5 new client spots for intake starting January 2025.