Can Couples Therapy Save a Relationship?

As the stigma of therapy has gotten less and less, it’s more common now that most people consider couples therapy to be a powerful tool for many who find themselves struggling in their relationships. Whether it’s a breakdown in communication, growing or lingering resentment, or a general feeling of disconnect, therapy offers a path to healing and understanding. But can it really save a relationship? Well the short answer is: maybe. Therapy is not a miracle-worker or magic spell and it takes real work on the part of you as the clients in order for the effects to be felt. Let’s explore the potential of couples therapy and what it can mean for your partnership...

Understanding the Power of Couples Therapy

Couples therapy provides a safe space for partners to express their feelings, explore underlying issues, and develop new strategies for communication and connection. It’s not just about resolving conflict; it’s about building a deeper understanding of each other.

Here’s how couples therapy can be beneficial:

1. Communication Skills Many couples find themselves trapped in cycles of miscommunication, where they’re talking past each other instead of truly connecting. Therapists can guide partners in developing healthier communication styles, helping them express their needs and feelings in constructive ways. If there is a pattern or loop happening, therapy can be a radical tool for disrupting unhealthy cycles with new behaviors. And even when it’s less deep work and more just education, learning to listen without judgment and responding with empathy can transform conversations and relationships.

2. Addressing Underlying Issues Often, the problems couples face stem from deeper issues—past traumas, family dynamics, or unmet needs. Therapy allows for the exploration of these underlying factors in a supportive environment. A therapist can help partners identify how history might be contributing to their current struggles, offering insights that might be difficult to see on their own.

3. Building Emotional Intimacy As life gets busier and busier it's normal for your relationship to end up on the back-burner while you prioritize work, kids, or other responsibilities. In these situations, couples may unintentionally drift apart. Therapy encourages partners to prioritize their emotional connection, fostering intimacy and understanding. When both partners are able to rediscover the value of curiosity and intentional emotional connection, it creates a foundation for a stronger relationship.

4. Conflict Resolution Strategies Every couple has disagreements, but how those conflicts are handled can make or break a relationship. Therapists teach couples effective conflict resolution strategies, such as how to stay calm, taking breaks when needed, and focusing on solutions rather than blame. Better yet, therapy can be a place to practice those skills in real time with the guidance of a non judgemental (and uninvolved) expert. 

5. Rekindling the Relationship In long-term relationships, the initial spark can fade, leaving partners feeling more like roommates than lovers. Couples therapy can help reignite that passion by encouraging couples to explore what they once enjoyed about each other. This might involve reconnecting through shared interests, trying new activities together, or simply spending quality time without distractions. This can also include starting a conversation about physical intimacy and working towards a more satisfying sex life for both partners if that is an area of need for you.

6. Preventing Future Issues Couples therapy isn’t just about fixing problems; it’s also about equipping partners with tools to prevent future conflicts. By learning to communicate openly and addressing issues as they arise, couples can foster a healthier, more resilient relationship. Research has shown that premarital counseling for example, can be an incredibly effective tool to reduce the odds of divorce later on by a significant amount. 

   
   

What about if you're not sure that you want to save the relationship?

If you are entering therapy unsure about whether you want to stay in the relationship however, it may be worth asking your therapist for a referral for discernment counseling - a special type of short-term couples therapy to help you figure out the answer to if you really want to stay or go. 

When to Seek Couples Therapy

It’s never too late or too early to seek help. Many couples find that therapy can be beneficial at any stage of their relationship. Some signs that it may be time to consider couples therapy include:

• Upcoming stressors (holidays, extended-family vacations, weddings)

• Persistent arguments that don’t resolve

• A feeling of emotional distance or disconnect

• Difficulty communicating needs or desires

• Trust issues or infidelity

• Major life transitions (e.g., having children, job loss, relocation)
  

When NOT to Seek Couples Therapy

There are a few times where (in my opinion and the opinion of many other licensed clinicians) it might not make sense to seek couples therapy. Here are some of those instances:

• If the relationship is abusive. In this case, please seek individual therapy and let your therapist know that you are in an abusive relationship and whether you are the abuser or the victim as well as whether you want to stay in the relationship or are looking for a way out.

• If you aren't sure if you want to be in the relationship at all - as mentioned above, look for discernment counseling before going forward with couples therapy.

• If there is an active affair going on and the affair partner is unwilling to stop. This would be another instance where individual therapy or discernment counseling may be more effective until either the affair is ended or the relationship is.

• If there are active substance abuse or severe mental health considerations (ie. active psychosis or mania or suicidality). Seek resources for stabilizing the suffering individual first, then look for individual therapists to maintain stability, then look for couples therapy resources.

• If you want to try alternative routes first. For example, books, courses, weekend workshops, or couples retreats. Some of these may be more cost-effective up front (however some may be more expensive) generally these options may not have as much to offer for long-term support or efficacy for change as a licensed couples therapist.

  
  

Final Thoughts

So, can couples therapy save a relationship? The answer is a resounding yes with an important caveat—if both partners are committed to the process and to the relationship above all. Therapy can provide the tools and insights necessary for healing and growth, fostering a deeper connection that can withstand life’s challenges ...but it is not enough to only practice these things in the therapy room. The real indicator of whether your relationship can be saved by therapy is if you and your partner are willing and able to take and practice the skills you learn outside of the therapy room in your day to day life. 

The other important piece to remember here is that you may be able to improve your relationship... and it might not still be enough for you to stay. And that is okay. Sometimes we have changed so much as people or our partner has, that even when we are trying our best, there is too big a part of us that doesn't want to go back (or doesn't feel it's possible). Sometimes two really good people just don't make sense anymore for each other and they want to find out if more happiness can be found somewhere else. The good news is, (if this is you), the skills you learned in couples therapy are still useful. You can still take the increased self-awareness, communication skills, and connection strategies to any new relationships (as can your ex-partner) and hopefully avoid falling into the patterns that drove you two apart to begin with.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. We don’t get taught this stuff in school and it makes sense to seek a trained expert if this is an area where you are struggling. If you’re considering couples therapy, know that you’re taking a proactive step toward nurturing your relationship. The journey may be challenging, but the rewards of a healthier, more connected partnership can be immeasurable.

If you're interested in exploring couples therapy further, don’t hesitate to reach out to a qualified therapist who can guide you on this path. Your relationship deserves the opportunity to thrive and you deserve happiness - it's just about figuring out how to get there.

Book a free consult call if you are interested in learning more about what it might be like to have couples or individual therapy with Sage and Vine Counseling to support you on your journey :)