Relationship Advice: The One Shift in Thinking That Will Change How You Approach Everything in Your Relationship...

Sometimes the best advice is the simplest. This is one of those times:

Work backwards.

Think of the relationship you want to be in, how you want to feel, how you want your partner to feel...

Is it loving? Supportive? Is there trust? Honesty? Is there compassion and grace? Do you feel kind? Do you feel understood? Does your partner feel safe and secure?

Got in in mind?

Good.

Now, work backwards from that vision.

Not just in a big way. In the small moments. Prioritize making that vision a reality.

Prioritize making a loving connected relationship the main focus even in moments where you might be tempted to make it about how they messed up. Or in moments when you might feel stressed out and impatient. Or in moments when you already know that you've messed up. Prioritize the outcome you want, and make choices that support that outcome.

This also works on a smaller scale - have something difficult you want to bring up with your partner? What is your hope for where the conversation ends up? Now, choose your approach based on making that hope a reality.

And if you find yourself getting stuck in your emotions, or falling into patterns of communication that are not serving your goal, take a break, take space, and try again. If things continue to get in the way, you can also think about reaching out to a couple's counselor to help guide you in practicing new ways of communicating and helping you get unstuck from whatever is holding you back :)

Interested in working together? Have some thoughts on this approach? Reach out to stephanie@sageandvinecounseling.com to find out if we may be a good match or to share your feedback! Wanting to learn more but not ready to commit? Sign up for Sage and Vine Counseling's email list for sporadic advice and thoughts on relationships.

Hope this can be helpful :)