How to Choose the Right Therapist

If you’re here, there’s probably something in your life asking for attention.

Maybe it’s anxiety that won’t quite settle. Maybe it’s tension in your relationships, a big life transition, or a quiet sense that something just feels… off. Whatever it is, reaching the point where you’re even considering therapy is meaningful.

There are so many options. Different specialties, different approaches, different personalities. And trying to sort through all of that while you’re already carrying something heavy? It’s a lot.

So I want to offer you something simple:

You don’t need to find the perfect therapist. You’re just looking for the right fit for you.

Start With What’s Bringing You Here

When I sit with clients for the first time, we don’t start with labels or diagnoses. We start with their story.

So before you begin your search, take a quiet moment to ask yourself:

• What’s been weighing on me lately?

• What feels hardest right now?

• Am I looking for support just for myself, or for my family or relationship too?

You don’t need perfectly clear answers. Even a general sense helps you find someone whose work aligns with what you’re going through.

Find A Therapist Who Understands Your World

In my work as a family therapist, and in my life here in Hawaii, I’ve seen how much context matters.

Our relationships, our culture, our families, our identities… they all shape how we move through the world.

Some therapists specialize in working with certain groups like parents, couples, children, or specific communities. If parts of your identity feel central to your experience, it can be really powerful to work with someone who understands that, not just intellectually, but relationally.

That doesn’t mean your therapist has to be exactly like you. But you should feel respected, seen, and safe being fully yourself.

Therapy Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All

You might come across different “types” of therapy as you search.

Some are more structured and practical. Others are more reflective and exploratory. Some focus on the body and nervous system, while others focus on thoughts, patterns, or past experiences.

In my own practice, I tend to integrate different approaches depending on what each person or family needs. Because therapy isn’t about fitting you into a model, it’s about meeting you where you are.

If a therapist explains their approach in a way that feels clear and human (not overly clinical or confusing), that’s usually a good sign.

Let’s Talk About Cost (Because It Matters)

I always want my clients to feel informed and comfortable when it comes to finances.

Therapy is an investment, not just financially, but emotionally and energetically too. And it needs to be sustainable.

As you’re exploring options, look for clarity around:

• Session fees

• Insurance or out-of-network options

• Cancellation policies

If something feels unclear, it’s okay to ask. A therapist who communicates openly about cost is usually someone who values transparency in the work as well.

In-Person or Online: What Feels Right for You?

Living in Hawaii has really shown me how important the environment can be.

Some people feel most grounded coming into a physical space. Others need the flexibility of online sessions, especially with busy schedules or long commutes between areas.

There’s no “better” option, just the one that helps you show up consistently.

The Most Important Piece To Finding A Therapist: How It Feels

If there’s one thing I wish more people knew, it’s this:

The relationship you have with your therapist matters more than anything else.

More than credentials. More than techniques. More than years of experience.

You should feel:

• Comfortable being honest

• Respected and not judged

• Gently challenged, but also supported

You might not know right away, but pay attention to how you feel after that first conversation. Do you feel a little more at ease? A little more understood? Do your ethics* and values match? That matters.

Timing Is Part of the Equation

Sometimes the “right” therapist isn’t available right away.

If you’re needing support soon, it’s okay to prioritize availability. You can always adjust later as your needs evolve.

Therapy doesn’t have to be a lifelong commitment to one person; it’s a relationship that can grow and change over time.

You’re Allowed to Take Your Time Finding A Therapist

I often tell clients this: you’re allowed to be thoughtful in this process.

You’re not being “too picky.” You’re making a decision about your care, your growth, and your well-being.

And if you start with someone and it doesn’t feel like the right fit? That’s okay too.

There’s no failure in that, only more clarity.

My Final Thoughts On Choosing The Right Therapist

At the heart of therapy is relationship.

It’s not about being “fixed.” It’s about being met, understood, and supported as you make sense of your own life.

You deserve that kind of space.

And whether it’s with me or another therapist, I truly believe the right connection is out there for you.

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*While we’re not at liberty to speak for other therapists, we take ethics very seriously. We respect our client’s privacy and we subscribe to the Code of Conduct as maintained by the American Psychological Association. We're also committed to marketing ourselves in an ethical way, which is why we work with partners such as Marketing For Therapists.